Europe 2009

I honestly don't even know how to try and write about traveling for 26 days with two kids and seeing your husband after 7months, then having to say good bye and come home and deal with "normal" life again. So I'm going to try my best and give you all the high lights and of course there are a TON of pics to look at. Ready?...

Denmark was truly wonderful. It was go great to spend time with our relatives, all 3 generations of them. Zerrell loved meeting all of her cousins that are around her age. One cousin, Zenia, is Zerrell only Danish. They both started talking to eachother a mile a minute and then all of a sudden realized that they weren't speaking the same language, Zerrell turned to me just as Zenia was turning to her grandpa and they both said "i don't know what she is saying."

Bierta and John treated my kids like their own grand kids, whom they love and adore. Nothing my kids did shocked them, bothered them or made them mad. They just went along and respected all of their different moods, antics and silliness. And in return Harper and Zerrell feel in love with both of them. It rained almost the whole time we were there but it was a nice change from the drought in California.

On my 30th birthday we took a short plane trip to Berlin where we met Ted. I cant even express to you how wonderful it was to see, touch and be with him again. Zerrell wouldn't let him out of her sight and Harper couldn't believe that he was in front of him, as opposed to on a computer screen.

We spent the rest of the day just staring at eachother, it was like a dream that we were all finally together again.

I have to say that if it wasn't for my mom, we probably would have seen very little of Berlin and although there were some not so pleasant moments sight seeing with two small kids and mostly an exhausted mom(me), i am glad she was there to push us to see all we got to see.

We stayed at a wonderful house that had a 3 bedroom apartment up stairs, it was so nice to have all the space. it was in a suburb called Kladow. Each day we would make the almost mile walk to our bus stop to catch the 134 or the X34 into the many different areas of Berlin. We soon came to realize that Berlin is HUGE, it really is! id say its about the size of the whole bay area( san fransisco, oakland, berkely, marin, etc). Our house was about 2 blocks away from the water and we had a great view from our kitchen window. it was so nice to return to the quite peaceful, dark suburb after being i the bustling, noisy and bright city all day. it was truly a retreat.

So some of our high lights:

we went to starbucks alot. yes we are starbuck fans but it was mostly Ted who(poor guy) hasn't been in a REAL startbucks in 7 months, so it was wonderful to see him enjoy himself, although he was a bit disillusioned of "enjoying coffee and the newspaper" with two small energy filled children. I told him that one morning he could wake up early and go down to starbucks all by himself so he could enjoy his coffee and paper. He chose a sunday morning and got up at 8am and headed into Berlin, well like most of Europe Sundays are lazy days. Starbucks didn't open till 11am!!!!

Hot dogs! honestly, they are NOTHING like any hot dogs we have here, and they are so very very delicious. i miss them!

The wall, it was amazing to see parts that are still standing and the marker that runs throughout the city. the history behind it and the fact that it was as simple as a wall, that caused such conflict.

Harpers birthday, he turned 1 while we were there. we had a nice dinner with some friends of ted that are doing missionary work in Berlin and we found a small carrot cake for Harper to enjoy(1st birthday family tradition). he loved it!

Weihnachtsmarkt ( christmas market) Its a German tradition. Every little neighborhood has their own with all these little wooden booths selling crafts, foods, drinks and rides for kids. They were SO much fun, just eating ALL the different yummy food and sweets. we went several different times.

A BIG NON highlight:

The place we stayed had NO dryer! Yes you heard me right NO dryer, i guess alot of people in Germany don't have dryers ad with the cold weather it took almost 3 days to dry our clothes, talk about having to really plan, I still cant get over it.

Berlin was wonderful, the weather wasn't too bad and it was so great just all being together. I could tell you several more stories and if we get a chance to talk ill tell you more, but i am too exhausted to try and write about it all.

We have been having a difficult time since we have been home. The absence of ted is even more pronounced and Zerrell is really stuggling, as we all are. Please keep us in your prayers, most especially zerrell.

enjoy the pictures

http://picasaweb.google.com/brig.dmb/Denmarkberlin?authkey=Gv1sRgCM-em-L8pcuFXw#

october

this will be short. I have been wanting to write this since Halloween but as we all know life can get away with you very fast and Alas here i am sitting in our hotel room waiting to leave for Europe writing this.

We had a very nice second half of October. We had a WONDERFUL rain storm, we made Halloween cookies, carved pumpkins, went to the annual Halloween party with Ted's unit at the AVCRAD and wet trick or treating.

The kids loved Halloween, i made both their costumes. Zerrell was a princess and Harper was prince charming. I dressed up for the AVCRAD party as a cowgirl.

Zerrell is still talking a mile a minute and Harper is walking more than he is crawling!
Our plane is leaving today at 4:15pm, i can hardly believe that we are already at this point in the deployment to see Ted. we are all so excited to see eachother. Zerrell talks about our trip to Germany everyday and Harper touches Teds face on the computer whenever we talk.

love to everyone who reads this! Enjoy our pictures!
http://picasaweb.google.com/brig.dmb/Octfun09?authkey=Gv1sRgCPCAh7OBlbScqgE#

6months

It has been officially six months since Ted left. wow six months! crazy to think, since from the time Ted and I met to the time we fell in love, got married and were pregnant was only 7 months!
As of today we get to see Ted in Germany in 35 days! that also means 35 days till I turn 30! and 40 days till Harper turns 1 and 42 days till we celebrate our 3year wedding anniversary! November is a busy month!
This last month has gone by pretty quickly although there were days that seemed to DRAG on. With the nicer weather we have been able to spend more time outside again and I've been making an extra effort to go to our favorite park as much as possible. Both Zerrell and Harper LOVE the outdoors, which is good.
This past month, I've tried to keep busy. I finished painting our dinning room and recovering all the dinning room chairs. A few friends and I threw my friend Sandy a baby shower, just in the nick of time too. She ended up having the baby 5 days later(2week early). And our nights have been filled with THE OPOSSUMS!! I haven't seen the mom or dad in awhile but there are baby ones that come almost every night to eat our cat food. I've counted 3 different baby opossums, two even came at once! Zerrell loves seeing them, if she is still awake. My godson Spencer has been BEGGING to come see them too, so last week he came over and praise Jesus, one came while he was here, so he got to see it!
We have our house decorated for Halloween. Zerrell still doesn't know what she wants to be. Whenever I ask her she comes up with a new answer. Although she asks to go trick or treating EVERYDAY! We went to the fair last week and Zerrell was slightly impressed by the animals, but she STILL talks about wanting more cotton candy.
I got to go to the fair ALL BY MYSELF(without my kids). It was a great time, i drank just enough to REALLY enjoy myself. I saw Chris Isaak in concert and got my cinnamon roll and it all by myself, without having to share. It was nice to have time to myself and share it with my close friends.
Zerrell is still talking nonstop! To everyone she meets and knows! She never meets a stranger. She is singing alot too, which is so cute. She has a GREAT imagination and loves playing with all her barbies and princess dolls. She says some very funny things too. "mom, thats a real nice lady"(talking about anyone she meets). "Back off Harper!" "that's gross!" "OH MY GOSH!" and "mom, you are driving the wrong way, you need to go THAT WAY!"
She know all of her colors and like matching colors up. She can usually get dressed by herself and is VERY good at getting UNDRESSED. She missed Ted alot, telling me that she wants him to come home or that she NEEDS him. Her imagination play almost always has a story line about a "dad."
Harper is on the verge of walking by himself. He loves walking while pushing things, walking toys, chairs, stools. He took two steps all by himself the other day and the best part was that Ted got to see it because we were on Skype at the time. Harper is still pretty mellow, he loves the stroller, shopping carts and highchair. He is a climber, just like Zerrell. He loves following Zerrell around the house and trying to play with whatever she has. As he gets older he is putting up more a fight with Zerrell, which is kinda funny to watch. He is a very good eater. He LOVES finger foods he can feed himself, he no longer likes it when I try to feed him with a spoon. He waves Hi, and claps his hands. He also has 5 teeth now, his two front teeth are HUGE!. He lights up every time he sees Ted on the computer or one of the several pictures I have around the house.
Ted is doing OK. Trying to keep busy, he cant talk about too much that is going on where he is. We get to talk almost everyday. He loves the care package is send him, mostly with yummy snacks from Trader Joe's. He is ready to come, as we all are! He is getting excited about his R&R to Germany and I know that is helping him get through. He is anxious to see us but also be apart of a normal society, wearing normal clothes and using real utensils to eat(they use plastic where he is).
I miss ted terribly, even more so now then before. Some days its so overwhelming I feel paralyzed by it. But between Zerrell and Harper I cant stay in bed all day. Zerrell and I still clash alot but I've been trying to be more "in the moment" with her and Harper. When she asks to play with me, I try to drop what I am doing and play with her, as opposed to telling her to hold on because I want to finish cleaning something. When she wants to do something "all my myself" iIbite my tongue and let her pour the Orange juice, even if it spills. I try to be more silly and goofy too, I don't want her to have a mom that is always sad or in a bad mood. Ive noticed that on days I succeed with this "New" attitude, her attitude reflects that. But still we have those oh so terrible days where nothing seems to please either one of us.
Today it is cold and raining, what a wonderful change from all of the HOT weather. We haven't had rain since the beginning of May.
I still have alot to do before we leave for Europe but I'm trying not to stress out too much. Thank you to everyone that continues to pray for us, we still need them, OK I still need them! Love to you all, enjoy our pictures
http://picasaweb.google.com/brig.dmb/Stoopsupdate?authkey=Gv1sRgCMTTs-aK9L_gyAE#

Fall...ing

I just read a great line in the book I am reading. "I knew it would never be easy, but I just didn't expect it to be this hard." That can sum up alot of everything I have been going through and feeling on a variety of topics.



Motherhood... "I was a great mother before I had kids." I think about this everyday. For so long in my life I wanted to be a mommy. I baby sat for years and truely enjoyed it. I doted on my little cousins for years, my aunt marianne always called me "her lady in waiting." When my godson was born I feell in love with him and just couldnt get enough of him.



I had great plans of doing all of these wonderful art projects and going to playgroups, or library sing along story hours. Having the TV turned off and listening to music, dancing around the house, being silly. Going for great walks around the neighborhood, exploring. Cooking family dinners and all eating togther.
I have tried everyone of these "ideals" and more times then not they all blow up in my face. i realize that Zerrell is still young, but even things I try to do for her age just leave both of us frustrated and in bad moods. I feel like we are oil and water alot of the time. Everyday i start out trying to be a better mom than the day before but when i make that desicion, she usally wakes up at 6am and is already in a bad mood.
It's an up hill batlle everyday, and i try so hard to keep it fun, because when i take a second to step back and look at it from Zerrells point of view, I wouldnt want MY mom yelling and getting frustrated with me everyday all day long. So with that in mind, ive been living in the moment with Zerrell. Taking a deep breath and keep things funny and silly. its not always good, i still fall alot but i try to recover faster.

Another factor is that Ted is not here. There isnt that change of pace at 4:30pm when he would come home. Its just CONSTANT all day, the 3 of us, the dynamic doesnt change. even when my mom comes over or my sister comes home(which is a huge blessing) its still NOT ted.

I have been very depressed the past few weeks. I just MISS ted so very much, its undiscrible. I realized the other day that even though i talk to him almost everyday, and he is physically safe and coming home in the near future, i am grieving him. Its a HUGE loss. I know people who have gone through actual lost of a spouse, father, mother etc and im not trying to compair my suffering to theirs, because I know my loved one is coming back, but its still grief. the paralizing grief that when you look at the kitchen totally dirty, you have no desire to even do anything about it. the paralizing feeling of nothing and yet EVERY thought running through your head all at the same time. The overwhelming fact that you know you need to eat but you cant even begin to think about how prepare yourself something to eat. Or you arent able to STOP eatting. wanting to just go to bed at 3pm in the afternoon, yet being wide awake at 12am. Luckily my kids keep me up and running to a certain normal point. I think the biggest thing about grieving Ted is that i am truely SO very lonely. Even more so because i have two kids. Desprate housewives Lynette said it best a few weeks ago whe talking about motherhood "you will have points where you have never felt more alone in your entire life YET YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE!"

blah blah blah

on Saturday September 12 it will be 5 months since Ted left. Half way point of this journey. I have tried to visualize it as a mountain and we have reached the peak and i can look back at what we have climbed and look forward as its all down hill after this. But i know its not going to be that easy. i wish i was and who knows maybe it will be. I have stopped trying to think about it because i am IN it and that's exhausting enough.
I am EXHAUSTED!!!Physically, mentally and emotionally. I am so very exhausted that i don't even have the energy to write this blog. I don't even have enough energy to describe how I'm feeling. what I'm thinking or anything involving any form of intelligent interaction.
Here are the bullet points

+ ted got a much wanted promotion! he is a Sargent now E5 ranking.
+Harper has 3 teeth and is "cruising" all over the furniture ad climbing stairs
+Zerrell thinks she knows it all, and I AM always wrong, no matter what i say or do
+I'm still painting, and still have alot more to do.
+ we have a opossum in our back yard that like to come out at night! We have named her Betty sue and its terrifying!
( video to soon follow)
+ the kids have their passports, we have booked our plane tickets and put a deposit down on a rental apartment in Germany! as of today we will all be in teds arms in 65 days!

Please continue to keep us in your prayers, all 4 of us need them!

My boyfriend Dave

As many of you may know and some of you may not, i am a CRAZY huge fan of the Dave Matthews Band. I have been for over 14 years. I have seen them 29 times in concert and 28 of those time have been with my good friend Erika.

I know just about every song by heart, i have all of the studio albums and several of their live albums as well. I have T-shirts, posters, stickers but most all of i have feelings and memories.

The Dave Matthews band is the soundtrack to my life. For every phase there was Dave and a song that sung to my life at the time. When i had rose colored glasses on about my future at the young age of 18, the music was there. Through the lonely years of being single, Dave was there. through the FUN times of being single, he was there. Through first loves and first heartaches. Through job promotions and the stress that comes with that, Dave was there. Through finding the man of dreams and having two babies. Dave has been there. His music pure and simple, makes me happy. It puts a smile on my face no matter what type of crap I'm dealing with in my life. Dave is apart of how i recognize myself. Besides, mom, wife, sister, daughter there is BRIGID. and i often times forget that woman. But Dave brings me back to who I am aside from my many rolls and gives me a look at what makes Me, me of how i identify myself. I even have it on my resume under "hobbies and interests" Dave Matthews Band Fan.

Though my concert going has scaled WAY back due to money and 2 kids, i have only been able to see him once a year for the past couple of years and last year i didn't see him at all. I didn't realize how this effected me until just recently, when i saw him again after almost 2 years.

you have to realize the past 2 years of my life have bee the most changing thus far. being a wife, a mother, moving, having another baby and the pivotal point of ted deploying. yeah i listen to Dave on occasion but there really wasn't anytime to become self absorbed in "DAVE" like i use to do. Plus you cant really enjoy music when you have a 2 year old constantly talking to you.

Then June 2, their new album came out, first one in 4 years. ted had been gone 2 months, i was exhausted from taking care of the kids and the physical pain of missing ted was more then i could bear at times. So i would get my mom or sister to watch the kids while i ran away for an hour or two and the minute i got in the car i would put his new Cd on and turn it up SUPER LOUD! and just saturate myself in his music. It was so freeing listening to the music so loud, i haven't done that in years!!! since i always have a baby in the car.

The album made cry and really mourn for the part of me that i didn't even realize i missed so much. I cried for the pain of missing ted, i cried for the fact that my life is not where i want it to be. and after i sobbed my eyes out, i SANG! I sang along with the words that Dave wrote. i sang to the words that made my soul fly and my heart flutter with finding that little part of me that still calls Dave my boyfriend.

Then came the concert! It was amazing! we had awesome seats(row 13) and the performance was one of the best I've seen. For two hours i was BRIGID, i let myself get carried away with the music and just be free! i sang my heart out, i danced and i screamed for my boyfriend. One of the best parts was that my great friend Erika came down and we spent time together like we use to. Although we were only seeing one show this year, as opposed to the usually 3-6, like in the good old days of driving up and down the pacific coast following the band, we had a wonderful time together and it was JUST what i needed. Erika has known me through almost all of my multiple Dave phases in life and like me she shares the same love affair with this man and we "GET" eachother. We are actually pretty nerdy when it comes to the band, knowing too much personal info and sharing too many memories of past shows together. We barely have to speak during the show because we both know what the other is going to say about the song and how we are going to compare it to the other shows we have seen. We both become giddy at the live shows, having personal favorite songs and getting excited for each other when they are played. Erika is one of those amazing friends that you don't always talk to on a regular basis but when we get together it is like no time has passed since we last saw eachother. She is an amazing women who has been a huge part of what makes me, me. And she ever teases me about Dave being my boyfriend, because well... Dave is her boyfriend too!

pictures

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Summer

Ive always enjoyed certain aspects of summer. The swimming, I LOVE to swim. the smell of a newly opened pool toy. watermelon, fresh tomatoes, seeing Zerrell get gorgeously tan. But Alas Fall is my favorite time of year and at this point i am DONE with the heat, although i know it will be sticking around for a little bit longer, there is hope on the horizon.



Ted has been gone for 4 months now(4months on Tuesday the 12 at 9:07am, but who's counting)

I am glad when i look at the big picture time seems to be going by at a fast pace. See if you can follow my deployment thinking

We have been separated longer than what time is left till we see him and after that it will be the same amount of time that we have to get through from now to November.



we have continued to be able to use the web cam on a regular basis and Zerrell and Harper are loving it. Zerrell opens up the laptop herself and pretends to be talking to ted. Harper loves to look at ted and hit all the keys. The other day we were talking to ted on the computer and she wanted to show him something and she said "dad, stay right there, i want to show you something."

Ted got to take a mini vacation to Qatar. He had 6 days all to himself. He was able to go to Starbucks, take some city tours, go to Chili's (he said there were only 6 items on the menu) and go swimming. it was close to 130 degrees there and 95% humidity. He really enjoyed himself for being in Qatar. He is now back in Afghanistan. He is doing pretty well, lonely and sometimes bored, but over all good.



Zerrell is still talking a mile a minute with little rest. Her newest thing is to call me "brigid" instead of mommy. So far its still cute. She is still a little fish in the water and about 2 weeks ago she took off both her floaties and started swimming all by herself, underwater. she is pretty good at it. She now refuses to wear floaties. She is still madly inlove with "the princesses." anything and everything. she loves barbies and plays with them all day and usually always has to bring at least one where ever we go. She has a great imagination and i get such joy out of watching her play. She is growing too. already out of her size 7 sandals and all her dresses i bought her in the spring are short.



Harper has had quite a busy month. he has started to crawl, and he is fast now, moving from room to room, pulling himself up on everything, pulling down baskets of toys and anything he can get into. Just yesterday his first tooth popped through! he is still loving food and of course nursing, although he is at the 'great' stage of being very easily distracted while nursing. So ill be nursing him and something will catch his attention and he will whip his head around, leaving me exposed and milk flying everywhere. He loves playing with anything that is Zerrell's much to Zerrells dislike. Even when he is playing with something that is his, she says it hers and takes it away. he continues to be my mellow happy guy.



Me, well im doing ok. had a rough week a few weeks ago, just real down in the dumps, a little time alone and a pedicure helped, at least for a little while. Im still keeping busy with the house, i got the laundry room painted(3 coats) and i even pulled out the washer and dryer and painted behind there. Now im trying to get all the trim painted, then it will be on to the front room and dinning room. Ive had a couple of girls "night out." One with some old co workers and another with some other wives who's husbands are deployed as well, both were great fun and much needed.



Shari came for 3 weeks which was very nice. We had a great time shopping, going to the beach, going to a grizzlies game, swimming and just hanging out. It was hard to see her go back home. My cousin Katie came for a visit too, she has a daughter, Abby, who is a year younger than Zerrell. It was great to see the both of them, and the kids all got along for the most part.

July flew by with trips to the library and free morning movies with the Byers. I am glad that august is here, i have something every weekend to look forward to and keep me busy. and at the end of the month i get to see my boyfriend Dave Matthews!! i can't wait!

The Glass Half Full

this week has been a better week and ive been trying to focus on what some of the positive aspects might be of Ted being away.. here is what ive come up with in no particular order
1. the kitchen stays alot cleaner
2. less laundry to fold
3. There is a chair in our bedroom(before it was just a place for ted to put all of his "i only wore this for a couple of hours, so im not going to hang it back up or put them away" clothes
4. Our toilet stays cleaner(boys)
5. I can switch the radio station around 5 millions time while driving without anyone getting annoyed
6. I dont have to waste my time finding things for Ted that were clearly right infront of him
7. If i dont get fully dressed and showered i dont feel like a frumpy housewife. no oneto impress at 5pm
8. we spend less money at starbucks
9.i can watch reality TV without anyone rolling their eyes at me
And number 10.. this is the best one
I can pretty much guilt ted into changing any diaper for the rest of our "baby years" since he wont have changed one for 10months!

I miss Ted

The weekends are the hardest. I was in church today and it just overcame me how much i miss him. i had to keep myself from crying. Every Sunday is difficult. being in the presence of God at mass, completely consumes me. I am the most vulnerable. i am unable to maintain my fortress walls of "im OK, we're hanging in there." I guess its because God knows our all. there are no "brave home fronts" with God. I miss sharing in the mass with ted. Even if he isn't catholic. Attending church together as a couple who both believe in God is one of the joys of my marriage. Playing tag team with our two fidgety kids and then finding a stolen moment together when both kids are peaceful. ted would always give me this "i love you look." A look that spoke volumes of our love and commitment, our family, our sufferings and our joys. A look of happiness and contentment. This is the place we got married, this is the place we stood before God and the witness of our family and friends and committed to each other and the to will of God in our lives.
I want to just sit there and be still in the arms of Jesus. i want to relish in His silence., knowing that i needn't say or think a word for Him to understand me. I have to choke pack the tears, because if they were to start, i don't know if i could make them stop. I miss ted, I miss him with every ounce of everything that makes me me. I miss everything about him and us and our family. There are the big things that i miss, our love life. I saw a shirt online that says "Sexually Deprived for Your Freedom" I send this blog out to alot of people, so that's all I'm going to say about our love life, although i could go on, but I'm sure when we get pregnant again sometime in the next year, it will be no surprise to anyone.
Aside from that, I miss all the little things: a glance across the room at a party, holding his hand, even though that was hard to do with two small kids, our feet finding each other at the end of the bed, amongst the sprawled out body limbs of our two kids sleeping in bed with us, his blueberry pancakes that he would make, his arm around me while sitting on the couch. I miss him driving, me always changing the radio station and him getting irritated at me for doing so. I miss getting to touch his leg while we are seated next to each other. I miss a simple kiss hello and good bye. I miss him being silly to get me out of bad mood. I miss his laughter, I miss OUR laughter together. And I have come to realize how much I miss attending mass with him.
So when i go to church I grieve all of these things and more. Its not like i sit there listing all the points of why i miss ted, its just this giant lump sum of emotions that overtakes me, i feel like shouting " Doesn't anyone realize my husband is deployed" but that wouldn't go over so well in church. So i start to get the knot in the back of my throat and i have to start blinking alot to keep the tear from over pouring. Usually about this point my lively 2 year old daughter is trying to climb under the pews, or talking about Cinderella not even close to a "quite voice" or like today SHOUTING "the bells are ringing, I want to go home now!" This rips me from my grief and belly flops me back into the reality of living in the present. which is probably a good thing. i know if i were to go to mass by myself, i would be powerless against my tears and then i would be sitting there alone crying and everyone else would be thinking "wow, that poor girl must have done something really sinful to be crying at mass."
So i am grateful to God that amongst the chaos of taking to kids to mass, I can, even for a few seconds, be truthful in the safe strong arms of our Lord.

Ted and Brigid

After writing about my kids i was going to write about Ted and then myself. But when trying to sort out my emotions and thoughts on Ted and myself, they were too intertwined. All my thoughts for the most part come back to Ted.

It has been 3 months since he left. Time is so weird, there is a part of it that makes me say "dear God its ONLY been 3 months?" but then there are other fleeting moments in my day that I think... "ok, we can do this, we are doing ok..." I know we can do it, because we ARE doing it, every minute of everyday. Some days are alot harder then others.

We have gotten into a "routine" of our own without Ted. All the books talk about this "normal" step of deployment, but it still sucks! When he first left i would wake up in the morning to the overwhelming anxiety that Ted wasn't here, it was especially worse on Saturday and Sundays. It was just the fact of being completely alone, even with two kids, and maybe it WAS because i have two kids. That feeling has gotten better, i wake up now and have to try and figure out what day it is since they all bleed together. The evenings use to be even worse then the mornings. trying to get both kids to bed and facing the fact that i was again alone, no one to spend time with. Again this has gotten better too. I am able to usually get both kids to sleep around the same time, leaving me to do what i want for while. Now that all the good TV series are over till the fall I've turned my energy to the house. Every night when the kids go to sleep, i take about 30 minutes and pick up the whole house, I've come to enjoy this very much. it, first off gives me a sense of control, which is nice to feel when everything else seems to be crazy. Second, it makes it nice to wake up in the morning to a clean house, knowing that the day can start out organized, even if it all goes to hell quickly. So after the house is clean i go to "my projects" So far I've:

made curtains for the kids room

made curtains for the kitchen

painted the ceiling of the laundry room

painted the back bathroom(4 coats)

painted and hung the rest of the kitchen cabinets

primed all the woodwork in the laundry room

and fully painted all the cabinets in the laundry room

I still have alot to do and i look forward to my evening alone.. as long as i keep busy.

The Internet is up and running for Ted, PRAISE JESUS! We have been able to use our web cam almost everyday, sometimes its still a little slow but for the most part its been running well. It makes me feel so much better to actually SEE his face and see him moving, as apposed to just looking at pictures of Ted. The kids are responding well to it too, which makes me feel better for them. Ted and i have even been having little dates with each other. He'll come come home on his lunch break, which is about 12am my time. The kids are asleep, so He and i get a nice long hour to just the two of us. I can't tell you how wonderful this has been. For the both of us. i was so worried when he left of how we would stay connected to each other being so far away and then when he didn't have Internet access for almost 2 month it just made the feeling worse, but the web cam is amazing. I feel connected to him, we get to talk, just the two of us and be funny and silly like we use to be when he was here. The down side of the web cam is that it is just a BIG TEASE! to see him, and hear him laughing, and moving around and be SO close yet not to be able to feel him, touch him, kiss him... granted i would hate NOT having the web cam but the longing and desire it provokes is indescribable.

Before Ted left he reminded me of all the challenges we have gotten through in the 3 years we have been together and he said that this was just one more that would bring us closer together as a couple and family. I (being in an irrational state and not wanting to hear his logical faith) told him that yes, we have faced alot but all those things we faced, we faced TOGETHER, side by side, that in the middle of fear of the future, the challenges of parenthood and the unknown we physically had each other to find comfort, safety and peace in and this time we would be separated. while we could still communicate, the hard reality was/is that we are both to a large part alone through this. I know this sounds harsh and faithless, and yes on some days that's what i feel like. One thing I've learned so far is that I'm alot stronger than i thought i would be.

"She is clothed in strength and dignity, and can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also praises her; 'many women do noble things but you surpass them all.'" Proverbs 31:25-27

harper

Harper is almost 8 months. He is sitting up, starting to crawl and saying "ma ma" along with other cute babbling noises. Just yesterday he pulled himself up to a standing position on the coffee table! he had this HUGE smile on his face! he was SO proud.

He is madly in love with food! All kinds too. he loves just about anything i give him. i was giving him organic baby food from a jar but he seemed to loose interest. I started going back to grinding up real food for him in the baby grinder and he just loves it!! im sure its all the texture that he likes. he is getting pretty good at using a sippy cup too.

He enjoys going swimming. he is an excellent splasher. he doesn't really mind when Zerrell splashes him either.

He is a very happy baby. he is for the most part pretty mellow although lately with his new found mobility he is getting frustrated alot easier. He still adores Zerrell although he is getting faster at graping her toys and is forming quite an opinion of what he wants and doesn't want from Zerrell. He gives her this new look, Its like the wheels are turning in his head and he is plotting his over throw of her rule. Im so curious to see how they interact as they get older. im also a little scared too.

harper brings such joy into my life. he brings a smile to my face and he is so sweet and thoughtful (if an 8months can BE thoughtful). During my pregnancy with him I Experienced alot of sorrow. I was away from my family for the first part of my pregnancy. i was separated from Ted for a total of 2 months. I had such heartache for my sister who lost her baby and extreme guilt for still having mine, our kids would have been a month apart. All of this was underlined by the knowledge that ted was being deployed shortly after Harper was born. I dreaded my due date knowing that it meant it was that much closer to ted leaving. I was in alot of physical pain, my whole pregnancy, which resulted in bed rest. We moved, ted was laid off due to the CA budget. I remember that days before harper was born I confided all these emotions and thoughts to my mother, I told her i was scared that there wouldn't be any happiness in me when he was born. She told me through her own tears that He would bring nothing but great joy to my life. And he truly has. He and i have such a special relationship... well duh, im his mother but its more then that. He always puts a smile on my face. Maybe its because he is my second baby and im not as nervous, maybe its because he's a boy. I just enjoy him so much.

So the "mother guilt" of mine is always there. I let him cry longer than i ever did with zerrell. mainly because i am usually cleaning up some catastrophe that zerrell was involved in and he has to wait longer for me. I worry about him without Ted. I know he will not remember this time, and I'm glad of that. But i worry about how Ted was so close to Zerrell during this time and that Harper is missing out on this. i want Ted and Harper to be close, i know they will. He knows Ted's voice. He always completely STOPS what he is doing when he hears ted talking on the phone. The other night he was cry and cry and i was talking to Ted and ted told me to put the phone up to Harper's ear, i did, ted started talking and Harper stopped cry immediately.

When we get to use the Web cam, Harper looks right at Ted and smiles. Harper smiles when ever he sees a picture of ted. I try to do the tickling and rough housing with him like i know Ted would, I'm not that good at it. Luckily Zerrell roughs around with him enough to make up for what i lack.

He is at such a great age. 8months. just starting to crawl but not yet into everything!

zerrell

We have survived another month without Ted.

I should probably say "we have gotten through" another month without Ted because I have no choice but to survive, even though there are days that it seems like survival. We have gotten a routine down, just the three of us, even though we all feel the void of Ted on a daily basis.

Zerrell is growing so much! She has gotten alot taller, everyone thinks she is 3 or 4 years old. She has this thick gorgeous naturally highlighted hair (someone asked me if i get her hair highlighted, honestly). Her skin has the beautiful tan (i am SO jealous). She is talking nonstop! I mean nonstop. from the moment she wakes up to the minute she is trying to NOT fall asleep. She asks me questions all day long. "mom, whats that noise outside?" "mommy, whats that ladies name?" and when i tell her the answers, she feels the need to continue to ask again or talk about it throughout the day. She even talks in her sleep on a regular basis. She says the funniest things. If i ask her to come here she often says " hold on a second, I'm doing something." She stayed with Maire for a little bit one day, later we were talking and i asked her if she had fun with maire. Zerrell said " yeah, she's a real nice lady!" She uses the word "real" instead of "so" to say how much she likes things. Like " i love you REAL much." Her other famous line is "see mom, Harper likes it!" She says this when i tell her to becareful when playing with harper or when she is offering him something to eat that she is suppose to.

She is VERY social. She asks people what their names are all the time. She says HI to everyone. She likes to sing and dance. She plays with her barbies all the time, using her imagination. I have found that when she is doing something wrong or I need her to do something, if i direct it at Barbie(that's almost always in her hands) she takes on the role of "mommy" and directs barbie to do the right thing and consequently herself at the same time. Usually.

She loves "the princesses" (disney brainwashing skills are amazing). Her favorite are Ariel, Sleeping Beauty,Cinderella, and Snow White. She has quite a collection of "princess" related items. She enjoys watching the movies too, i don't mind watching them either. She likes to ask me every characters name. Ive become quite knowledgeable. She tells me that Harper is prince Charming.

She loves to swim! She puts her floaties on and just takes off all over the pool. We go swimming almost everyday. The past couple of days she has been taking her off her floaties and getting daring, she might just be swimming alone by the end of summer. She loves it when i get to swim with her in the deep end. She often "tells" my mom to take harper, so we can swim together.

I love swimming and its something i really enjoy doing with her.

She loves dressing up. Her clothes, my clothes, Harpers clothes. She often come out with some of the craziest things on. yesterday she had taken off her diaper and put legwarmers on and a princess crown. A ballerina outfit with rain boots. My shirt, my high hells and upside down sunglasses. Shorts, no shirt and slippers. harpers onsies. She cracks me up!

Zerrell never stops moving. She is always on the go. always on to the next adventure before the first one is cleaned up. All of this passionate personality makes me exhausted! I try to be a good, understanding mother but i often feel that i fall short. Zerrell and I have very different personalities and they often clash. I try so hard to support her curiosity, her spirited personality but it wears me down. She likes to look at every leaf, every rock, every stick. I try to look at it from her point of view and support her interest of EVERYTHING. I don't want to squash who she is because it isn't what "I" like or because I'm in a hurry to get something done. She is a human being regardless of age and she deserves respect, like i would any other person in my life. Its my job to be her ambassador. (ambassadors are diplomats who skillfully build great relationships by using respectful words and setting clear limits). I try to see the world from her eyes and it must be hard being 2. The whole world is against you. You struggle all day. I don't want to always being saying No to her. If i constantly had people saying "no" to everything that seems like a great idea to me, if every creative thing i did got me i trouble, if everything i thought was "cool" was perceived as unimportant to the people i value the most... I would be throwing tantrums and in a bad mood too. So i try to keep that in mind when approaching zerrells curiosity in my makeup, the fridge, the uncontrollable desire to dumb things out, etc etc.

She misses Ted so very much. She looks at the Toy R Us add every Sunday and sits there and points out all the toys that she thinks Ted would like. She talks about him alot, often telling me that she miss him. We have gotten to use the web cam recently, but its a bit spotty, only working for a few minutes before it freezes. When it does freeze its often a crazy looking picture of ted with his eyes closed. Well during these time Zerrell thinks Ted is sleeping and she stands at the computer tapping the screen saying "dad wake up! wake up dad!" I try to explain but she doesn't get it and the whole thing breaks my heart. After a few minutes it up and running again and we can see him in real time for a few more minutes. I miss seeing her playing with Ted, hearing her laughing uncontrollably with him. I know she miss that too.

Through my struggles of trying to be the mom that this innocent child deserves, God gives me comic relief, and thank God he does, it keeps you from strangling or selling your kids. Today when she had said that maire was a "real nice lady" she says to me "mom, your a REAL nice lady too."

Texas

I don't even know where to begin... Texas was alot of fun but completely exhausting at the same time. Traveling for 17days with two small children is enough to drive anyone a little crazy. But as exhausting as it was I am SO VERY glad that we went.

We drove to Sacramento, where we stayed with my great friend and fellow Dave Matthews Band partner in crime. It was great to visit with her even if it was only for a few hours. The next morning we took off for Austin, TX. Both kids did wonderful on the airplane. Zerrell was very amused by geting her own small glass of ginger ale and using the tray. Harper slept most of the way. Shari meet us in Austin and we hung out with ted's brother and girlfriend. We had a great time sight seeing and just hanging out. Zerrell fell inlove with her Uncle Joey and was always by his side or telling him to come with her.

We then went to see my cousin Autumn and her husband Chris in Plano, TX(just outside Dallas) but along the way there we stopped in Waco, TX at the Dr. Pepper Museum. It was small but alot of fun to see, for those of you that don't know, I LOVE Dr. Pepper. I have one everyday! The highlight of Waco was getting an old fashioned, hand made Dr. Pepper at the foutain. It was the BEST Dr. Pepper I have ever had! We had a wonderful time with Autumn. We got to enjoy her new home, we went into Dallas and saw where JFK was shot and we went into the sweetest little town about 10miles away called McKinney. Zerrell enjoyed herself at Autumns house and made herself right at home, runing around and hiding behind their couch cushions.

Next we drove to Katy, TX( just outside Houston) where we stayed with SHari's sister, Marti. We got to visit and swim( which made zerrell very happy). Marti's 2 granddaughters ( Zerrell's second cousins) came over for they and they all played togther. I got to take a few naps that day! Which was MUCH needed. I can't tell you the last time I took a nap! It was nice to be with Marti and be in the house that Shari's mom lived (she passed away the end of march).

Then we were on to Corpus Christi, TX. This was the most relaxing part for me. It was so wonderful to be in Dan and Shari's home with the kids. Dan had time off and played with Zerrell and Harper alot, which gave me a nice break. We went to the aquariam on day. Zerrell is still talks about seeing the scary sharks, nemo and dori. We went to San Padre Island( about 20mins away) where we played on the beach. Zerrell just LOVED this. She loved the sand and the water, which was warm! She and i played in the waves for about an hour. It was alot of fun to see her enjoying herself and i was enjoying myself too. Dan and Shari have park behind their house and they dont have a fence in their back yard, so you can just walk out their back door and your in the park in a few yards. Dan would take both kids every morning outside and with Zerrells perswation they would end up at the swings. After a few days i realized that both kids each day were in just a diaper and t-shirt, no shoes, because we had just woken up, but to anyone else at the park, they didn't know that Dan and Shari's back yard IS the park, so it looked like my kids were white trash at the park in just tshirt and diapers no shoes, oh well they had fun and i got to eat breakfast. the park had a community pool and i took Zerrell there one day. It was gross, we all took shower the minute we walked back to get all the cooties off.
We meet several of Dan and Shari's friends, which was fun.

Finally we drove to San Antonio. It is a beautiful city! But it was SO hot. We tried to see as much as we could but Zerrell wasnt having it, so we took her swimng at the hotel pool where my little social butterfly made friends with everyone there. She went right up to a small group of preteen girls and learned their names and was giving them high fives and playing with them, totally uaware that she herself was only 2. She talked to all the waiters too, telling them what she wanted to drink.

We flew out of San Antonio. Both kids did pretty well on the flight home. Zerrell was being VERY socail on the airplane, saying "hi" to everyone we passed and playing for along time with a few kids that were sitting behind us. We made it home safe and sound. We stayed at Erika;s house that night and drove back to Fresno the next morning. Home Sweet Home.

OK.., THE FOOD:
The BBQ was wonderful everywhere we went. By far the best place was when we were in Austin. We went to this great resatruant about 30min away called The Salt Lick(rachel ray has been here). The menu is simple, brisket, sausage or ribs.(or a combo of all three) You get cole slaw, potato salad and beans. Water or iced tea. Take it or leave it! The place has been in buisness for over 50 years and has had the same menu.
We had wonderful BBQ in Dallas, Corpus Christi and San Antonio. We had great mexican food too in Austin, Plano, and San Antonio. Aunt Marti made wonderful chili!

Here are a TON of photo's
http://picasaweb.google.com/brig.dmb/Texas2009?authkey=Gv1sRgCMjBt8v3yoHGsAE#

hanging in there

It's been a full month since Ted left on deployment. We are hanging in there. We have all been sick for 3 weeks! First it was a bad, bad cold that cycled through everyone including my parents for about 2 weeks then Zerrell got a nasty stomach bug that i caught too, we didn't leave the house for 6days! it was bad! I have never seen Zerrell so sick. Thank God for my mom and sisters help. I truly could not have done it without them. I am finally, today, able to sanitize the house (washed all the sheets, towels, blankets, clothes, clean the kitchen, thanks mom, front room) get the funky cooties out!
Harper has mastered the art of rolling over! He even rolled off the bed(our bed sits on the floor) off some pillows and over to the mirror, where he entertained himself. I had laid him down for a nap on the bed one afternoon and came in to check on him and he was in front of the mirror smiling at the cute baby he saw. He is still madly in love with Zerrell and is getting fast at grabbing her hair or her toy when they are next to each other. He likes to play with one of Teds shirts(it has teds smell on it) and whenever ted talks to him on the phone, he always stops what he was doing and gets a BIG smile on his face. He loves to laugh and play. He weighs over 18lbs now!
Zerrell, Zerrell, Zerrell. She is keeping me on my toes! She says more words everyday. It is so much fun to see her vocabulary growing. She is starting to understand emotions too. She told me after watching The Little Mermaid. "Ariel was real sad because her dad was so mean." And then she told me " I am so happy when i go swimming." She's very funny. I bought her a Ken doll and made him an outfit out of some old army material and told her it was "dad" and i bought her a little girl barbie that has dark hair like her and told her it was "zerrell." She has really embraced it and makes the two of them play and talk. I think it has helped her a little bit. I know she misses Ted so much. She comes up to me sometimes and says " mom, i miss dad." She has also become much more sensitive since Ted left. She hates when i leave to go anywhere. She melts down alot faster over little things. And she has alot more aggression in her. I know part of this is her just being a strong willed 2 year old but I also know that it has to do with Ted leaving and that breaks my heart.
Me, hmm. I have so many emotions still running through me. As of now this is the longest Ted and i have ever been apart. I try to be happy for Zerrell and Harper. I try to do fun things, I try to do the things Ted would do with them, like rough housing and tickling and throwing them up in the air, but I'm not Ted. There are time when I feel like I'm not giving enough to either one of them, because there is just one of me trying to juggle two needy people. And in this equation I NEED some time to myself, which is hard because its alot more coordination and planning. I know my children very well and I see them suffering since Ted left and that is one of the hardest parts. I miss Ted with every ounce of my being. I physically ache for him at times, like there is a knot in my chest and my skin longs for his simple touch. Its hard too because with him gone I'm just "mom" 24/7. I don't get a break to be "wife" or "brigid and ted." that's absolutely exhausting. I had put up a calender for Zerrell to mark off each day but she could really care less but I have found that I really like marking off each day that we have gotten through, its helped me!
I worry too. Its something I struggle with and pray about. I worry for Ted, his safety, his mental out look, his well being. I worry for the transition of him coming home, I worry that he might be different. I worry for my Kids. I just don't want to "mess them up." The list can go on on. But i just try and remember that God is in charge. That fear is NOT of God.
Since Ted moved from Kuwait to Afghanistan the Internet has become very scarce where he is. So no web cam, and he can only check his email about once a week and even then it takes about 10mins just to get into his email because the connection is so bad. It sucks! the kids had just started to get into the web cam and he and i were able to send great emails to eachother all day long and now there is none of that. just brief phones calls, and he is usually in a crowded room when he calls so he has no privacy. He says he is doing well. the work load is very light right now, so they get bored easily. the lack of ineternet is frustrating for them too.
We are going to Texas for 2 weeks June 1st! We are very excited! Something fun to look forward to and break up the time.
Thank you for listening to my whirling thoughts. Thank you for your prayers and support thus far.
Enjoy the pics, some are of Ted in Kuwait, taken by a fellow soldier and friend of his.
http://picasaweb.google.com/brig.dmb/Springpart2?authkey=Gv1sRgCPy99On8z7nrag#

Ted is Gone

There is alot to share on this post, there is the funfilled updates of our growing family but also the sad overwhelming reality that Ted has left on deployment. I have some close friends that write bogs and i am always impressed by the honest vulnerability with their emotions when writing. I have always wanted to be that type of "blogger" but up until now I truely haven't been, manily because I knew this day(ted leaving) was coming and as much as i try to always live in the moment of the here and now, his deployment has ALWAYS been in my thoughts everyday with every fullfilled moment, with every mondane chore with every breath i take. So i've kept it light and fun when writting, mostly for own sanity and mostly out of fear of the unknown. The unknown of what my true emotions might be when he left, the pain of missing him, the sadness of my kids missing their adoring father. I know i will be "ok." I am a strong person, we all are, but this by far is the hardest thing i have ever had to face and im having to face it while caring for 2 small children that are suffering too. its alot to try and digest, i am still just taking small bites, and its very tough.
The last 24 hours have been hard, to say the least. Saying good bye to Ted was aweful. We were both crying. Iam still exhausted. The range of emotions are overwhelming. Everything from a sense of relief that the anticipation is over, to feeling like i was going to have a full blown panick attack, to uncontrillable crying, to physical pain from not being able to touch him or him touch me, to my heart breaking for my two kids because they both adore their dad and they don't really get whats going on.
The good news is that he has called 3 times, just being able to hear his voice makes me feel better. zerrell got to talk for a minute too. We hung a big map up in our dinning room and we put a heart on fresno, ca and a matching one in afganistan. She knows that dad is there helping people fix helicopters.
I know that there are tons of people praying for us. My mom has been here to help me face all these emotions along with the reality of taking care of two kids and the chores. the bottom line is that deployment sucks and i miss Ted more then i can even express.

The lighter side:

March and April thus far has kept us busy. Dan and Shari came for about 10days. Dan did the wonderful job of being Mr. Fix It for me and Shari helped me with the kids while Ted was in Oklahoma for a week doing training.
We celebrated St. Patricks day at our house with about 36 people, it was alot of fun and great food.
At the end of March, Ted's grandma in Texas passed away. Ted was able to go back and see her for 2 days before she passed.
We took a train trip up to the bay area for two days just we could spend some fun time together as a family. We all had a good time.
The rest of our time has been getting Ted ready to leave. Lots of little thing to buy, pack and repack. Lots of odds and ends to tie up. There is just alot to do when you are leaving for a year. But we got most of it done. The rest really didn't matter.
Zerrell's favorite thing right now is being naked. She is also talking up a STORM! she has started singing alot too. Her current favorite is "shake your botty" its so funny. She continues to test me with her spirited personality and own way of doing things. But i have to admit that she cracks me up, and brings a great sense of joy to me to see her growing up.
Harper is just becoming a little chunk. He is 18lbs. He likes anyone talking to him. He is grapping at things and trying SO hard to roll over. He still thinks Zerrell is awesome! He is a special blessing to have around.
There are tons of pictures to share, i hope you enjoy them. Thanks for listening to me
http://picasaweb.google.com/brig.dmb/Springpart1?authkey=Gv1sRgCIzQv_i8nrSh3QE#

http://picasaweb.google.com/brig.dmb/StoopsInFeb#

enjoy our pictures!

Stoops in February

well, its the last day left in the month, but we have already exhausted this month with fun. Ted took the day off and we went up to Oakhurst to see part of the Amgen Tour of California Bike race that had Lance Armstrong riding in it. We know we "saw" Lance we just didn't know which one he was. We had enough time that we made it down back to clovis to see them ride again. Zerrell enjoyed ringing her cow bell and it was alot of fun to see all the racers.
We Celebrated Harpers Baptism with a small group of family and friends on Feb. 21. He looked so cute! We had a nice party afterwards at our house (our first party here!) It was alot of fun. Then we Celebrated Zerrells 2nd birthday on Feb 25. We had cake and ice cream and presents. She had a great time! She is getting so big!
Ted and I celebrated February with getting a brand new dishwasher and stove!!! The dishwasher is wonderful and our new stove arrives march 5! we can hardly wait!! We feel so old getting so excited over new appliances, but we are SOO excited!
Unfortunitly we have all been sick this past week, bad colds. Poor Harpers the worst. But we hope to be feeling better soon. Zerrell is testing out the toilet, it is all of her own doing! i honestly have no desire or patients at this point in my life to start trying to potty train her, but she LOVES to take off her pants, diaper, tell me she has to poop and gets on the toilet. Uses WAY too much toilet paper and flushes the toilet. She has only actually "gone to the bathroom" in the toilet 2 times, i think it was just luck on her part. She is talking more and more and doing things to make us laugh and cringe and dread her becoming a teenager.
Harper is talking and talking, i took him to a wedding shower today(zerrell stayed home with ted) and he was talking to everyone, it was like he was trying to tell HIS side of the story since Zerrell wasn't around. He weighs 15.2lbs now and is starting to try and rollover. Life is everchanging and we look to God to help us along the way. My favorite quote is by Mother Teresea "I know God won't give me more than I can handle, I just wish He didn't trust me so much."

whats new

Life just seems to keep getting faster. I can hardly believe that Harper is almost 3 months old and Zerrell is almost 2! Harper is growing like a weed. He has outgrown all of his 0-3months clothes and we are on to 3-6months outfits. he loves laying on his back and taking in the world around him. He smiles and coos and makes all kinds of adorable sounds. He turns his head to seek out who is talking to him. He is still madly in love with Zerrell. Always watching her and he will even stop fussing if she comes and talks to him when he is getting upset. He has just discovered his hand, he can bring it up to his mouth after a little work and starts sucking on it. This only last a few minutes when he realizes that it's not going to give him any yummy milk. He is a very happy baby.
Zerrell is still talking up a storm. ive been amazed to see how her vocabulary and language improve and grow everyday. She is finding Harper more fun these days and hasn't hit him in about 3 weeks. She is becoming a good helper of mine, most of the time. She is fascinated with the toilet. Everything from playing in it, putting toys in it to taking off her diaper and getting on it saying "poo." She sits there for a few seconds then gets off, then comes back, then gets off and so on and so on until we can get a diaper on her again. She keeps us laughing when we aren't pulling our hair out.
Ted's been working hard on cleaning up our garage and fixing up our future vegetable garden. I've been painting and reorganizing everything. We are all preparing for his deployment in April.

happy new year

life with 2 kids is never ending! We had a wonderful christmas season. ted's parents flew out and spent 12 days with us. Teds dad helped us get some good projects done around the house and Shari helped me keep my sanity by cooking, changing diapers, spoiling us and allowing me to take a long shower everyday, by myself! We all enjoyed eachothers company and the funny miss Z kept us on our toes. Harper was his cute mellow self. Its was a special blessing to have them here.
Zerrell wanted NO PART of santa this year, wouldn't even get near the guy, other then to say "bye." Harper slept through the whole thing. We went on the walk down Christmas tree lane, Zerrell was not impressed. She played musical chairs all night between the stroller, dad, maire and nana. She wanted to walk but i was terrifed of her taking off in the large crowd and getting lost. She went down a second time in Nana's convertable, she did ok.
Christmas eve was spent at my parents, where Zerrell, mackenzie and Sadie all wore matching dresses. They were so cute. Christmas morning was spent at our house with Shari making a great breakfast. It was weird to realize that ALL my life i had spent every Christmas morning in this house, it being my grandparents and NOW we are doing the same thing again its just that now we are living here. Zerrell got some good stuff from santa and the grandparents.
Zerrell is growing up more and more everyday. She has alot more words and its fun to see her talking more and more. She loves imagination play. She talks to her toys, makes them dance and really gets into playing with them. Her favorites are the 2 naked barbies that she takes everywhere and her tinker bell doll. She loves dressing up too! She pretends to talk on a cellphone and often gets dressed up in my high heels, a purse and a hat and comes and tells us "bye" and walks off somewhere. She is a hoot. She is still trying to figure out Harper. She talks to him and thinks its funny when he farts. She is getting better about being "gentle." most of the time.
Harper is growing out of his clothes! luckily we have plenty. He is staying awake for longer periods and loves to look around, he has started smiling and cooing. He looks at Zerrell like she is the coolest thing and never cries when she is touching his face over and over or giving him sloppy kisses. He takes long naps with Ted and just curls up on his chest.
Ted and i are trying to figure out being parents of 2. We are both exhausted, but we have been blessed a few time with 2 sleeping kids AT THE SAME TIME! and have been able to steal a few moments of just us, a crazy concept these days. Its hard to imaging life without harper now. Funny how fast that happens. We are enjoying this new time in our family as challenging as it may be. We know we are very blessed.
check out the rest of our photos