There is alot to share on this post, there is the funfilled updates of our growing family but also the sad overwhelming reality that Ted has left on deployment. I have some close friends that write bogs and i am always impressed by the honest vulnerability with their emotions when writing. I have always wanted to be that type of "blogger" but up until now I truely haven't been, manily because I knew this day(ted leaving) was coming and as much as i try to always live in the moment of the here and now, his deployment has ALWAYS been in my thoughts everyday with every fullfilled moment, with every mondane chore with every breath i take. So i've kept it light and fun when writting, mostly for own sanity and mostly out of fear of the unknown. The unknown of what my true emotions might be when he left, the pain of missing him, the sadness of my kids missing their adoring father. I know i will be "ok." I am a strong person, we all are, but this by far is the hardest thing i have ever had to face and im having to face it while caring for 2 small children that are suffering too. its alot to try and digest, i am still just taking small bites, and its very tough.
The last 24 hours have been hard, to say the least. Saying good bye to Ted was aweful. We were both crying. Iam still exhausted. The range of emotions are overwhelming. Everything from a sense of relief that the anticipation is over, to feeling like i was going to have a full blown panick attack, to uncontrillable crying, to physical pain from not being able to touch him or him touch me, to my heart breaking for my two kids because they both adore their dad and they don't really get whats going on.
The good news is that he has called 3 times, just being able to hear his voice makes me feel better. zerrell got to talk for a minute too. We hung a big map up in our dinning room and we put a heart on fresno, ca and a matching one in afganistan. She knows that dad is there helping people fix helicopters.
I know that there are tons of people praying for us. My mom has been here to help me face all these emotions along with the reality of taking care of two kids and the chores. the bottom line is that deployment sucks and i miss Ted more then i can even express.
The lighter side:
March and April thus far has kept us busy. Dan and Shari came for about 10days. Dan did the wonderful job of being Mr. Fix It for me and Shari helped me with the kids while Ted was in Oklahoma for a week doing training.
We celebrated St. Patricks day at our house with about 36 people, it was alot of fun and great food.
At the end of March, Ted's grandma in Texas passed away. Ted was able to go back and see her for 2 days before she passed.
We took a train trip up to the bay area for two days just we could spend some fun time together as a family. We all had a good time.
The rest of our time has been getting Ted ready to leave. Lots of little thing to buy, pack and repack. Lots of odds and ends to tie up. There is just alot to do when you are leaving for a year. But we got most of it done. The rest really didn't matter.
Zerrell's favorite thing right now is being naked. She is also talking up a STORM! she has started singing alot too. Her current favorite is "shake your botty" its so funny. She continues to test me with her spirited personality and own way of doing things. But i have to admit that she cracks me up, and brings a great sense of joy to me to see her growing up.
Harper is just becoming a little chunk. He is 18lbs. He likes anyone talking to him. He is grapping at things and trying SO hard to roll over. He still thinks Zerrell is awesome! He is a special blessing to have around.
There are tons of pictures to share, i hope you enjoy them. Thanks for listening to me
http://picasaweb.google.com/brig.dmb/Springpart1?authkey=Gv1sRgCIzQv_i8nrSh3QE#
