It's been a full month since Ted left on deployment. We are hanging in there. We have all been sick for 3 weeks! First it was a bad, bad cold that cycled through everyone including my parents for about 2 weeks then Zerrell got a nasty stomach bug that i caught too, we didn't leave the house for 6days! it was bad! I have never seen Zerrell so sick. Thank God for my mom and sisters help. I truly could not have done it without them. I am finally, today, able to sanitize the house (washed all the sheets, towels, blankets, clothes, clean the kitchen, thanks mom, front room) get the funky cooties out!
Harper has mastered the art of rolling over! He even rolled off the bed(our bed sits on the floor) off some pillows and over to the mirror, where he entertained himself. I had laid him down for a nap on the bed one afternoon and came in to check on him and he was in front of the mirror smiling at the cute baby he saw. He is still madly in love with Zerrell and is getting fast at grabbing her hair or her toy when they are next to each other. He likes to play with one of Teds shirts(it has teds smell on it) and whenever ted talks to him on the phone, he always stops what he was doing and gets a BIG smile on his face. He loves to laugh and play. He weighs over 18lbs now!
Zerrell, Zerrell, Zerrell. She is keeping me on my toes! She says more words everyday. It is so much fun to see her vocabulary growing. She is starting to understand emotions too. She told me after watching The Little Mermaid. "Ariel was real sad because her dad was so mean." And then she told me " I am so happy when i go swimming." She's very funny. I bought her a Ken doll and made him an outfit out of some old army material and told her it was "dad" and i bought her a little girl barbie that has dark hair like her and told her it was "zerrell." She has really embraced it and makes the two of them play and talk. I think it has helped her a little bit. I know she misses Ted so much. She comes up to me sometimes and says " mom, i miss dad." She has also become much more sensitive since Ted left. She hates when i leave to go anywhere. She melts down alot faster over little things. And she has alot more aggression in her. I know part of this is her just being a strong willed 2 year old but I also know that it has to do with Ted leaving and that breaks my heart.
Me, hmm. I have so many emotions still running through me. As of now this is the longest Ted and i have ever been apart. I try to be happy for Zerrell and Harper. I try to do fun things, I try to do the things Ted would do with them, like rough housing and tickling and throwing them up in the air, but I'm not Ted. There are time when I feel like I'm not giving enough to either one of them, because there is just one of me trying to juggle two needy people. And in this equation I NEED some time to myself, which is hard because its alot more coordination and planning. I know my children very well and I see them suffering since Ted left and that is one of the hardest parts. I miss Ted with every ounce of my being. I physically ache for him at times, like there is a knot in my chest and my skin longs for his simple touch. Its hard too because with him gone I'm just "mom" 24/7. I don't get a break to be "wife" or "brigid and ted." that's absolutely exhausting. I had put up a calender for Zerrell to mark off each day but she could really care less but I have found that I really like marking off each day that we have gotten through, its helped me!
I worry too. Its something I struggle with and pray about. I worry for Ted, his safety, his mental out look, his well being. I worry for the transition of him coming home, I worry that he might be different. I worry for my Kids. I just don't want to "mess them up." The list can go on on. But i just try and remember that God is in charge. That fear is NOT of God.
Since Ted moved from Kuwait to Afghanistan the Internet has become very scarce where he is. So no web cam, and he can only check his email about once a week and even then it takes about 10mins just to get into his email because the connection is so bad. It sucks! the kids had just started to get into the web cam and he and i were able to send great emails to eachother all day long and now there is none of that. just brief phones calls, and he is usually in a crowded room when he calls so he has no privacy. He says he is doing well. the work load is very light right now, so they get bored easily. the lack of ineternet is frustrating for them too.
We are going to Texas for 2 weeks June 1st! We are very excited! Something fun to look forward to and break up the time.
Thank you for listening to my whirling thoughts. Thank you for your prayers and support thus far.
Enjoy the pics, some are of Ted in Kuwait, taken by a fellow soldier and friend of his.
http://picasaweb.google.com/brig.dmb/Springpart2?authkey=Gv1sRgCPy99On8z7nrag#
