We have survived another month without Ted.
I should probably say "we have gotten through" another month without Ted because I have no choice but to survive, even though there are days that it seems like survival. We have gotten a routine down, just the three of us, even though we all feel the void of Ted on a daily basis.
Zerrell is growing so much! She has gotten alot taller, everyone thinks she is 3 or 4 years old. She has this thick gorgeous naturally highlighted hair (someone asked me if i get her hair highlighted, honestly). Her skin has the beautiful tan (i am SO jealous). She is talking nonstop! I mean nonstop. from the moment she wakes up to the minute she is trying to NOT fall asleep. She asks me questions all day long. "mom, whats that noise outside?" "mommy, whats that ladies name?" and when i tell her the answers, she feels the need to continue to ask again or talk about it throughout the day. She even talks in her sleep on a regular basis. She says the funniest things. If i ask her to come here she often says " hold on a second, I'm doing something." She stayed with Maire for a little bit one day, later we were talking and i asked her if she had fun with maire. Zerrell said " yeah, she's a real nice lady!" She uses the word "real" instead of "so" to say how much she likes things. Like " i love you REAL much." Her other famous line is "see mom, Harper likes it!" She says this when i tell her to becareful when playing with harper or when she is offering him something to eat that she is suppose to.
She is VERY social. She asks people what their names are all the time. She says HI to everyone. She likes to sing and dance. She plays with her barbies all the time, using her imagination. I have found that when she is doing something wrong or I need her to do something, if i direct it at Barbie(that's almost always in her hands) she takes on the role of "mommy" and directs barbie to do the right thing and consequently herself at the same time. Usually.
She loves "the princesses" (disney brainwashing skills are amazing). Her favorite are Ariel, Sleeping Beauty,Cinderella, and Snow White. She has quite a collection of "princess" related items. She enjoys watching the movies too, i don't mind watching them either. She likes to ask me every characters name. Ive become quite knowledgeable. She tells me that Harper is prince Charming.
She loves to swim! She puts her floaties on and just takes off all over the pool. We go swimming almost everyday. The past couple of days she has been taking her off her floaties and getting daring, she might just be swimming alone by the end of summer. She loves it when i get to swim with her in the deep end. She often "tells" my mom to take harper, so we can swim together.
I love swimming and its something i really enjoy doing with her.
She loves dressing up. Her clothes, my clothes, Harpers clothes. She often come out with some of the craziest things on. yesterday she had taken off her diaper and put legwarmers on and a princess crown. A ballerina outfit with rain boots. My shirt, my high hells and upside down sunglasses. Shorts, no shirt and slippers. harpers onsies. She cracks me up!
Zerrell never stops moving. She is always on the go. always on to the next adventure before the first one is cleaned up. All of this passionate personality makes me exhausted! I try to be a good, understanding mother but i often feel that i fall short. Zerrell and I have very different personalities and they often clash. I try so hard to support her curiosity, her spirited personality but it wears me down. She likes to look at every leaf, every rock, every stick. I try to look at it from her point of view and support her interest of EVERYTHING. I don't want to squash who she is because it isn't what "I" like or because I'm in a hurry to get something done. She is a human being regardless of age and she deserves respect, like i would any other person in my life. Its my job to be her ambassador. (ambassadors are diplomats who skillfully build great relationships by using respectful words and setting clear limits). I try to see the world from her eyes and it must be hard being 2. The whole world is against you. You struggle all day. I don't want to always being saying No to her. If i constantly had people saying "no" to everything that seems like a great idea to me, if every creative thing i did got me i trouble, if everything i thought was "cool" was perceived as unimportant to the people i value the most... I would be throwing tantrums and in a bad mood too. So i try to keep that in mind when approaching zerrells curiosity in my makeup, the fridge, the uncontrollable desire to dumb things out, etc etc.
She misses Ted so very much. She looks at the Toy R Us add every Sunday and sits there and points out all the toys that she thinks Ted would like. She talks about him alot, often telling me that she miss him. We have gotten to use the web cam recently, but its a bit spotty, only working for a few minutes before it freezes. When it does freeze its often a crazy looking picture of ted with his eyes closed. Well during these time Zerrell thinks Ted is sleeping and she stands at the computer tapping the screen saying "dad wake up! wake up dad!" I try to explain but she doesn't get it and the whole thing breaks my heart. After a few minutes it up and running again and we can see him in real time for a few more minutes. I miss seeing her playing with Ted, hearing her laughing uncontrollably with him. I know she miss that too.
Through my struggles of trying to be the mom that this innocent child deserves, God gives me comic relief, and thank God he does, it keeps you from strangling or selling your kids. Today when she had said that maire was a "real nice lady" she says to me "mom, your a REAL nice lady too."
