blah blah blah

on Saturday September 12 it will be 5 months since Ted left. Half way point of this journey. I have tried to visualize it as a mountain and we have reached the peak and i can look back at what we have climbed and look forward as its all down hill after this. But i know its not going to be that easy. i wish i was and who knows maybe it will be. I have stopped trying to think about it because i am IN it and that's exhausting enough.
I am EXHAUSTED!!!Physically, mentally and emotionally. I am so very exhausted that i don't even have the energy to write this blog. I don't even have enough energy to describe how I'm feeling. what I'm thinking or anything involving any form of intelligent interaction.
Here are the bullet points

+ ted got a much wanted promotion! he is a Sargent now E5 ranking.
+Harper has 3 teeth and is "cruising" all over the furniture ad climbing stairs
+Zerrell thinks she knows it all, and I AM always wrong, no matter what i say or do
+I'm still painting, and still have alot more to do.
+ we have a opossum in our back yard that like to come out at night! We have named her Betty sue and its terrifying!
( video to soon follow)
+ the kids have their passports, we have booked our plane tickets and put a deposit down on a rental apartment in Germany! as of today we will all be in teds arms in 65 days!

Please continue to keep us in your prayers, all 4 of us need them!

My boyfriend Dave

As many of you may know and some of you may not, i am a CRAZY huge fan of the Dave Matthews Band. I have been for over 14 years. I have seen them 29 times in concert and 28 of those time have been with my good friend Erika.

I know just about every song by heart, i have all of the studio albums and several of their live albums as well. I have T-shirts, posters, stickers but most all of i have feelings and memories.

The Dave Matthews band is the soundtrack to my life. For every phase there was Dave and a song that sung to my life at the time. When i had rose colored glasses on about my future at the young age of 18, the music was there. Through the lonely years of being single, Dave was there. through the FUN times of being single, he was there. Through first loves and first heartaches. Through job promotions and the stress that comes with that, Dave was there. Through finding the man of dreams and having two babies. Dave has been there. His music pure and simple, makes me happy. It puts a smile on my face no matter what type of crap I'm dealing with in my life. Dave is apart of how i recognize myself. Besides, mom, wife, sister, daughter there is BRIGID. and i often times forget that woman. But Dave brings me back to who I am aside from my many rolls and gives me a look at what makes Me, me of how i identify myself. I even have it on my resume under "hobbies and interests" Dave Matthews Band Fan.

Though my concert going has scaled WAY back due to money and 2 kids, i have only been able to see him once a year for the past couple of years and last year i didn't see him at all. I didn't realize how this effected me until just recently, when i saw him again after almost 2 years.

you have to realize the past 2 years of my life have bee the most changing thus far. being a wife, a mother, moving, having another baby and the pivotal point of ted deploying. yeah i listen to Dave on occasion but there really wasn't anytime to become self absorbed in "DAVE" like i use to do. Plus you cant really enjoy music when you have a 2 year old constantly talking to you.

Then June 2, their new album came out, first one in 4 years. ted had been gone 2 months, i was exhausted from taking care of the kids and the physical pain of missing ted was more then i could bear at times. So i would get my mom or sister to watch the kids while i ran away for an hour or two and the minute i got in the car i would put his new Cd on and turn it up SUPER LOUD! and just saturate myself in his music. It was so freeing listening to the music so loud, i haven't done that in years!!! since i always have a baby in the car.

The album made cry and really mourn for the part of me that i didn't even realize i missed so much. I cried for the pain of missing ted, i cried for the fact that my life is not where i want it to be. and after i sobbed my eyes out, i SANG! I sang along with the words that Dave wrote. i sang to the words that made my soul fly and my heart flutter with finding that little part of me that still calls Dave my boyfriend.

Then came the concert! It was amazing! we had awesome seats(row 13) and the performance was one of the best I've seen. For two hours i was BRIGID, i let myself get carried away with the music and just be free! i sang my heart out, i danced and i screamed for my boyfriend. One of the best parts was that my great friend Erika came down and we spent time together like we use to. Although we were only seeing one show this year, as opposed to the usually 3-6, like in the good old days of driving up and down the pacific coast following the band, we had a wonderful time together and it was JUST what i needed. Erika has known me through almost all of my multiple Dave phases in life and like me she shares the same love affair with this man and we "GET" eachother. We are actually pretty nerdy when it comes to the band, knowing too much personal info and sharing too many memories of past shows together. We barely have to speak during the show because we both know what the other is going to say about the song and how we are going to compare it to the other shows we have seen. We both become giddy at the live shows, having personal favorite songs and getting excited for each other when they are played. Erika is one of those amazing friends that you don't always talk to on a regular basis but when we get together it is like no time has passed since we last saw eachother. She is an amazing women who has been a huge part of what makes me, me. And she ever teases me about Dave being my boyfriend, because well... Dave is her boyfriend too!