Ted came home on Sunday March 7th! One of the BEST days of my life! My parents and sister came out with me and the kids and the only thing that made it bad was that Ted sat in the BACK of the plane which meant he was one of the LAST people to get off! From the moment Zerrell saw him she wouldn't let him OUT OF HER SIGHT! Harper took a few minutes to realize that Ted was IN PERSON, not on a computer screen. We were all crying!
The first few days of him being home brought me an intense load of emotions that I truly WASN'T expecting to feel. I felt VERY anxious, even having a few anxiety attacks. I would start crying for No reason, I felt very closterphobic, I had trouble sleeping. It was awful, even though I was OVER JOYED that he was finally home. I finally realized that for the past 11 months I've had to be SO strong. For myself, for my kids. I had a few moments here and there were I would just sob and sob, but I had two small kids to take care of. I couldn't stay in bed all day because I missed Ted so much it physically hurt, I couldn't be completely depressed. I didn't let myself go to those places because like I said I had TWO SMALL kids who needed me. So we got out of bed everyday and got dressed and I think Ted finally being home allowed me for the first time in 11 months to actually grieve him being gone. And once he was home and seeing him with the kids it made me realize JUST HOW MUCH we all missed out on with him being gone for so long. My mom also pointed out that when ted left I had just had Harper, he was only 4months old and that some of my emotional reaction after Ted came home could have been post partum that I wasn't able to experience because I "had to be strong." Also I was under SO much stress with Ted being gone, I ended up loosing alot of weight and I never got my period back after having Harper. After a few weeks of him being home, I started feel "normal" again. I am back to my pre- deployment size and aunt flow has come a callin'.
The Kids are still madly in love with Ted. Zerrell wouldn't let him out of her sight for the first week. Poor guy couldn't even go to the bathroom without her wanting to come in with him. Which made for some rather funny moments since Zerrell is being potty trained and up until then had never seen a "boy" go to the bathroom. She decided that she wanted to STAND UP just like dad. I had to break the news that girls have to sit down. Then a few days later ted was in the bathroom with the door shut and Zerrell asked "dad are you going poop?" ted said yes. Zerrell then said "are you standing up?" I just love how little kids minds work. She still thinks that ted has been in Germany this whole time, staying at the house we rented when we met him there in November. Kinda cute, kinda sad. She still struggles when he leaves to go anywhere, even the store for 20mins. But she cant get enough of Ted being home and tickling her and rough housing with her, I know she had missed that TERRIBLY while he was gone. She also every so many days asks "mom are we a happy family now?" Because when ted was gone, I would speak of the fact that when he got home we would be a "happy family again." Zerrell is still a very strong willed child and the more she speaks the feistier she gets. Its been a challenge for ted to get in the groove of discipline, but he is doing very well. I am doing very well too and every so often Zerrell will demonstrate that there is hope and that maybe some of our better parenting has paid off. We recently cut her hair short, she looks so cute! She is growing like a weed and she still talks 24 hours a day! Even ted(who talked just like she did at that age) gets tired of it, I tell him its HIS fault. I was never this much of a talker. As much as her talking NEVER stops, she has some very funny insights and observations about the world around her. She can crack me up like no one else can. She has become a fabulous bike rider. She still has her training wheels on but just yesterday she rode OVER a MILE with ted and I. She keeps up with us pretty well, the only problem is that she's the type of girl that gets easily distracted and often start steering off in the wrong direction because she was paying attention to a bird or a flower. She still picks on Harper, but he is catching up to her and I know he is plotting his revenge, just as soon as he gets a little bigger.
Harper has FULLY come to understand the awesomeness called DAD! He gets SO excited everytime ted comes home from somewhere. He sees ted outside and starts screams and yelling and running as fast as he can to the front door. Then when Ted opens the door Harper throws his arms around ted legs and has the biggest smile you have ever seen. He eggs Ted on to tickle him and chase him around the house. He follows Ted outside and studies everything he does in the garage. He has to be right there in the action with a tool in his hand, helping Ted. He LOVES tools, all kinds. recently ted was hammering something and Harper was right there making this funny excited noise and the best way to describe the noise is the Tim Allen(Home Improvement) man grunt noise. It was so cute. Harper is communicating now, though not through any words. He shakes his head yes and no and understand when we ask him something. He is a dare devil too. He loves to climb, jump from our coffee table to the couch and jump on the bed. He is getting a little more mischievous but still remains my quite sweet boy. He knows how to push Zerrells buttons but the older he is getting the more they are playing together, which is fun to see... when they aren't fighting over the same toy.
While Ted was gone I was apart of a wonderful group called the Family Readiness Group. It was other wives and family members from the same unit as Ted. While the monthly meetings weren't anything special, it was a time to just know Iwas in the presence of other women who were going through the same thing. We all became close to eachother. We had a our last meeting about a month after our soldiers got home and I cant describe to you how important and meaningful this last meeting was. It was like we all need to just see eachother one last time knowing our loved ones where home safe and sound. One wife commented on how the whole experience just seems like a really bad dream now and that is exactly how it feels. Its like he has always been home yet there is unseen wound that still slightly lingers that make you realize just how sweet and how bitter life can be.
My father in law asked me awhile back "what do you think God is trying to teach you through all of this?" And I have to admit that at the time he posed the question I felt like saying a few snide remarks like "How to have a nervous break down" or "I don't really care what he is trying to teach me, this SUCKS, I just want ted home." But his question from that moment on has not left my thoughts and its something I reflect on often. I still don't know if I have an good answer for him. Now that Ted has been home for almost 2 months there are a few things I can say. I love ted more NOW than I ever have. I know that I am alot stronger than I thought iIwould be, I am PROUD of our family and what we have survived. I look at the American flag different, I listen to the national anthem differently. I stop and look at the fighter jets EVERYTIME they pass over, they have a different meaning now. I know that God had a reason for ted being deployed and maybe we haven't fully realized that yet.
Ted is doing well. We are still waiting to hear about a job for him at the AVCRAD(a contract job with the national guard). We have had to be faithful servants of God and trust He has the right Job for Ted, as hard as it is sometime to fully relinquish control and but everything in Gods hands. We have been blessed with enough money at the moment to pay down and or off alot of our debt and still able to enjoy life's little pleasure that ted was away from for so long, like mexican food, starbucks, jamba juice. We splurged a little and bought me a bike and the kids bike seats. We go bike riding as a family almost everyday, either just around our neighborhood or about 3 miles down to Fig Garden Village. Even though the time off is a bit anxious for ted, who truly enjoys working, we know it a blessing from God to have this constant time together as a family.
Ted has taken out the trash every Thursday since he has been home, he cleans up the kitchen(good too), he picks up the kids toys, he puts gas in the car, he runs to the store. I cant say we haven't had a few hiccups since he's been home but knowing how awful it was without him makes me appreciate all of the small things he does to make my life a little bit easier. He has even said on a few occasion " I don't know HOW you did it all by yourself for 11 months, I'm exhausted after just a few hours" I tell him that I don't know either.
So some of the fun highlights: We went to Pismo for the day, the kids LOVED it! We went to the snow for the day, Harper HATED it, Zerrell was so so. We put in a vegetable garden and the plants are still alive. I got to have a girls night out with about 6 really close friends/family. We drank too much and I didn't get home till 1:30am! it was great! We had our annual St Patricks Day Dinner with a total of 38 people this year! My sister Maire graduated from massage therapy school! I gave my cousin autumn a baby shower(along with liz) for 40 people. Ted's parents and brother came for a short visit. We celebrated Easter! Last Easter was the day that ted left. BASEBALL season has arrived. We have gone to 3 games in 1 week. Go Fresno Grizzlies. My mom turned 60 last week. And of course the day to day adventures of being parents and just enjoying eachother.
Please continue to pray for a job for ted in Fresno. We thank our Lord for all His Abundance!
Ok so here are the photos, 3 different links but you might be able to navigate to the other two after you view one of them.
http://picasaweb.google.com/brig.dmb/March2010#
http://picasaweb.google.com/brig.dmb/Easter2010#
http://picasaweb.google.com/brig.dmb/AprilPart1#
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