pooping is a family affair

Most people would assume that pooping is something one does by themselves, but not me, not me the mother of two small kids. I am sharing this because when i was pooping the other day I found myself laughing hysterically at the event. This is how it usually plays out
I realize I have to poop, so I go into the bathroom without saying anything to Zerrell and Harper( this is wishful thinking that maybe they wont notice I'm gone) But before I can even sit down Harper is following me. I should tell you that Harper LOVES the toilet! he tries to get into it any chance he gets. So I have to put the lid up and sit down as fast as I can so that Harper doesn't get the chance to put his hands in the water. I also have to FULLY sit on the seat, because if there is any room for Harper to put his hands in the water he will, so if I'm fully covering the seat this makes Harper mad and he tries to PUSH me off the seat. When that doesn't work either one of two things happens, either he wants to sit on my lap or he starts to unroll all of the toilet paper. SO if that wasn't enough, Zerrell will start yelling through the house "mom, where are you?" "Zerrell I'm in the bathroom!" I should tell you that Zerrell is in the early stages of potty training, so every ones body functions is extremely fascinating to her. Zerrell comes in, sees me sitting on the toilet and delightfully says " Oh are you going poop mom?" "yes Zerrell I am" " Oh can I see it?" while she is already heading to the back of the toilet to see if she can see anything, which she cant because i have to FULLY be covering the seat due to Harper. I tell her she can see it when I'm done "OK, thanks mom" she says while she trots over the the sink the start washing her hands, because she loves to wash her hand with WAY too much soap and WAY too much water. So here I am sitting FULLY on the toilet, with one kid unravelling the toilet paper, the other getting soapy water everywhere while every few seconds asking me "are you done yet mom? Can I see?" When the time come to finish up and wipe I have to do THAT as fast as I can and very strategically so that Harper again doesn't get his hands in the toilet bowl, and of course there is Zerrell poking her head in to "see my poop." When I explained this whole thing to Ted he just said "why don't you just shut the door?" If I "just" shut the door I first off wouldn't be able to hear if anything was going on assuming the kids weren't in the bathroom with me and also I would have two screaming kids trying to BREAK the door down, yelling for me to let them in and who can poop with THAT kind of pressuring hurrying you along?
Fathers don't have this issue because they do "just" shut the door and us as wives explain to our kids that dad needs privacy, and our kids EXCEPT this and go on their merry way, all the while our husband take their sweet time in there with their reading material or sudoku. But it dawned on me that they really don't need all that time to go poop, THEY ARE HIDING OUT, and who is going to argue with someone about how long it takes for them to go poop? well I DID one time with Ted, when I confronted Ted with my theory he didn't confirm nor denye it.
Ill finish this story up with what my mom has always told me about motherhood being a full time job and how husbands don't always "get it." It would be like everytime your husband is at work and has to go to the bathroom, the WHOLE office following him in there.